When Things Don’t Go Your Way

When Things Don’t Go Your Way

It’s very likely that at some point in your life, what you had planned for yourself did not happen. As I grow older, I’ve come to realize it’s a huge part of being an adult and growing up. Life throws curve ball after curve ball and we have to learn to accept them and keep on going. Today I’m sharing a bit of a personal post in the hopes of encouraging other women in the same boat. 

When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a mother. I have a background working in childcare as a teacher with infants up to pre-school. I really loved my time doing that and for me it confirmed my desire to one day care for my own child. Fast forward many years of dating, a marriage, fun newlywed life, and a few years in between and it was my turn to be a mom! Now at 26 weeks pregnant, I am really getting excited to meet my daughter this June! There’s been curve balls throughout pregnancy but there has been one curve ball that has really been tough to swallow. 

You see for as long as I’ve dreamed about being a mother in general I’ve also dreamed about being a stay at home mom. My mom stayed home with me and my sisters as did my husband’s mother. I knew that was what I wanted and what my husband wanted and never thought much of it being a huge obstacle. Sadly, in the times we live in being a full time stay at home mom is extremely rare and often impossible for many families. What I thought was just a personal choice is often not the case in today’s society.

For the time being, it looks like I will be taking a maternity leave and then returning back to work. This really isn’t a simple lifestyle choice that we’ve made, it’s a necessity. This may seem normal and okay for many women and that is wonderful. Working moms are so amazing and I respect them so much more today than ever. However, this wasn’t something I wanted for myself. The thought of going back to work right now feels devastating and unbelievably sad. I know I’ll be doing a lot of praying for extra strength and courage during a time of transition. 

So What?

I’m not writing this to make you feel bad for me. I’m writing this for a few reasons. One, I hope to show others that people’s situations are not always an easy black and white decision. Maybe you want to judge a mother for putting their child in daycare from 7am to 6pm but maybe that very mother doesn’t have a choice. Let’s build up mothers whether they are full time workers, part time workers, or in the home full time. Let’s remember that everyone has to make choices and sacrifices that aren’t always easy or a part of their original plans. After all, life is unexpected and life can be really challenging. However, life is also a beautiful gift that we are given each day. 

Right now, I’m still working on what my life after my leave will look like. I don’t know all of the details of my work schedule and I won’t know for a while. Who knows, my situation could even change in that time and maybe I will at some point be able to stay home full time. Crazier things have happened! But, maybe I won’t. That is life sometimes and I still choose to continue on and find the beauty of the situation. 

So, I’d ask for your encouragement and support while I navigate these curve balls and thank you for all of the love I’ve already felt throughout this journey. If you are like me and wondering what is possible for your family, know that you aren’t alone. 

Lastly, I’d like to remind you (and myself) that life has a weird way of working itself out. It might not work itself out exactly when you want it to or even how you thought you wanted it to, but so often things are better than you planned for yourself. I know my baby is loved and supported and will be well taken care of no matter what and that is truly the most important thing of all. 

How do you handle life’s curve balls? What can you do today to support someone struggling through a tough time? 

Tell me in the comments below!

You May Also Enjoy:

Body Image During Pregnancy

Working Out While Pregnant

Pregnancy Update: Weeks 21-24

Like & Share!

28 thoughts on “When Things Don’t Go Your Way

  1. That is a really tough situation. I bet your experience in childcare will help you find such a wonderful place for your little daughter though; you’ll know exactly what to look for. I hope things change, but either way, she will be so loved and cared for!

  2. Oh I can’t even imagine how you are feeling. My mom stayed home with us and that has always been a dream of mine as well. But I know in these times it’s very difficult. Try to just take it one day at a time and enjoy every moment you have with your baby girl when she arrives.

    • Thank you, Patricia! I definitely am learning to take things one day at a time and not worry myself with the what-if’s of the future. I know that I can place these worries in God’s hands.

  3. Sigh. Life absolutely has a way of taking the visions we hold so dearly for what our futures will look like, twisting them all up and shooting out something completely different. Not sure why, but it is something we all have to embrace together and support each other through. I know this new prospect must be feeling heart breaking to you. All that you can really do for now is stay in the present moment and believe that your life is taking you where it is supposed to go. I hold all mothers in such high respect and no matter their work circumstance, they are the hardest working out there! Here for you in much adoration and respect.

  4. I know you’ve been upset about this for a while and it’s so hard. But, you know how much love those teachers will have for your daughter! She will be in great hands, and even though it’s not your hands, she’ll be loved. I truly don’t know what to say but curveballs for sure come up. It’s really hard but we get through them!

  5. Ah, girl, you know that I understand this. So, so well. I don’t think there are any straight pitches in life, and if there are…. I would love one.
    I think right now you give yourself the grace to be upset. When the time comes, it is going to be hard to be separated, and I think that you just know that and feel that and hope people will understand. if they don’t, they can hit the road. You are allowed to have any feelings that you want.
    Sad, mad, glad, whatever. Accept the situation, feel the feels, then move on. Turn lemons into applesauce.

    • Thank you, Susie! <3 I definitely am allowing myself that grace especially after reading your encouraging post to allow myself to do that!

  6. Hi Heather! Oh the struggles of being a Mom and wanting to be in two places at once. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling, but I do know that situations are rarely permanent. So maybe some positive changes will happen after you go back to work making it more likely that you can have a reduced schedule or something along those lines. Who knows. Sending you strength and good thoughts! I’m sure plenty of other women feel this way and are glad to know they aren’t alone after seeing your thoughts!

  7. I completely agree with you on dreaming of being a stay at home mom.
    Growing up in a military family my stepdad was over seas a lot and my mother at work. I was 10 years old babysitting my year old sister and neighborhood kids, and it was REALLY hard. I often felt like I never got to be a kid myself.
    For as long as I can remember my friends always called me the mom of the group, but that’s just what I was used to.

    I would love to be a stay at home mother so my future children don’t have to miss their childhood like I did.

    It’s so unfortunate the world we live in now where that’s just not a possibility for so many.

    How long will your maternity leave be? I know it’s different in The States compared to Canada.

    http://www.justbeingbrooklyn.com

    • Every company and job is different and there are no requirements for how long a company must give. Where I work you have 12 weeks of job security. Depending on how you deliver (natural or c-section) you either get 6 or 8 weeks of short term disability. This is a percentage of your pay and you won’t be paid your normal amount during this time. After the 6 or 8 weeks are over, you can then use all of your vacation/sick time and also take days unpaid until those 12 weeks are fulfilled. So, in short I will be off from work for 12 weeks but none of it except for using vacation/sick days will be paid.

        • Yes, the US is one of the only countries with this kind of thing happening. Some people lose their jobs because they can’t work while they recover and many other mothers have to return back to work before their body is fully healed (less than a month) so that they don’t lose their jobs!

  8. –>”Lastly, I’d like to remind you (and myself) that life has a weird way of working itself out.” <—I totally agree with this. For a while after I moved, my life was cray and I had no idea if I made the right decision nor if I was happy. I prayed a lot and tried to just "let go and let God". You know what? I'm still learning, still changing and yet I'm content and happy with where I am at. I guess I am trying to encourage you to relax, love your baby and your husband and realize that you will never be given more than you can handle. <3

    • You’re right! I’m trying to do that now and remind myself that it’s going to be okay and I have the support system I need!Thanks for the encouragement!

  9. Aww, Heather!
    I’m not even expecting and I already have such anxiety and fear that the stay-at-home-mom dream may not come true, I can’t imagine how you must feel! Thanks for the encouragement. As you say, life throws curve balls but God always works them out. I am praying for your strength and peace as you plan for your little girl. She is already so loved!!

  10. Aw Heather, I will be praying for you! Let me give you some encouragement… my mom felt the exact same way as you do before having my sister and I. She said she always would have loved to have been a stay at home mom, but it just was not an option. She worked relentlessly hard and my sister and I didn’t know life differently than seeing her in the evenings and weekends. We were babysat by multiple family friends, people from church, and church daycares. And from that time of my childhood I remember the adventure, the relationships, the excitement of going to my “second homes”. My sister and I learned to get along with multiple types of children and people, to respect the rules in various homes, to embrace change and uncertainty.. but I also reflect on how amazing our mother was raising us. I never felt like she was absent, and she made the most of every single second we had together. Even when she was exhausted after work she would take us on hikes, camping, etc. and never let on that she was probably just wanting a nap. She taught me the value of working hard, sacrificing for those you love, and making the most of small bouts of time. I’m sorry I’m writing a novel, but this is actually something my mom and I talked about a ton last weekend when she was here. If she could would she have stayed home? Probably…. but at the same time, I wouldn’t have traded my childhood for anything, the friends I made at those daycares, those “second moms” and “second homes”, the memories on those small weekend getaways when my mom was off work… They say it takes a village, and it’s so true! I hope this doesn’t sound too sappy, but I just couldn’t help sharing this. I hope it encourages you!

    • Thank you so much, Mackenzie! That absolutely encourages me! <3 It really is true that it takes a village--also our parents and siblings are close by too so family and close friends will be watching her when I can't which is a great comfort.

Leave a Comment