A few years ago, I had to suddenly quit dance after slowly destroying my knees. I loved dance with my whole being and put hours and hours and tons of time and effort to improve and practice. To say it was devastating for me to quit is a large understatement.
I sunk in to a very dark sad place for a very long time. As the years went on, I felt a little stronger and better and have come to be okay with it. Today, for Thinking Out Loud I wanted to share some random thoughts on the topic as it is a huge part of my life.
- I’ve kept my dance shoes: I still have my shoes in my dance bag because I was unable to throw them away. I still don’t think I could throw them away. I used to put them on every once in a while when I was missing dance, but haven’t in a couple of years.
- I get sad during any dance performance: Don’t get me wrong, I love going to the ballet or enjoying a musical. However, it took me a few years to be able to sit through any kind of dance show. I still feel a little sad after a show because I still ache to be able to do it.
- I can look back with happiness: What once was devastation and bitterness are now happier memories of a time where I was able to do something I loved so much. People often ask me what I’ve replaced it with; the answer is nothing. I don’t think anything could fully replace it the same way. What I can do is look back and smile and hope that my future children find something they love as much as I loved dance.
- I still choreograph: Any dancer or former dancer will know, that you will choreograph dances while any music plays. Your feet will dance under your desk or table whether at work, at home, or on a train. No matter where I am, I can’t be still when I hear a great song!
Some days it feels like it was just yesterday that I was dancing and I feel angry, sad, and filled with emotion. Sometimes the thought of it makes me want to cry and sometimes I feel angry that I’m not doing it now as a career. Other times, I enjoy a dance performance, remember my own shows, and smile feeling full of happy memories.
We all have things in life that throw us for a loop. People we love leave us, things we love are taken away, and there are bad days filled with sadness. However, life is also filled with unbelievable joy, loving support, and days filled with laughter and smiles. I choose to lean on God and to lean on my loved ones during those sad days and revel in the warmth of the happy days as long as they last. Which route will you choose for yourself?
How do you deal with darker days? What have you learned to work through?
Tell me in the comments below!
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